There are plenty of occasions when being right matters. Medication instructions should be right, and bills need to be paid accurately and on time. If someone is making an important decision based on incorrect information, getting the facts straight is critical. But not everything needs the same scrutiny.

When someone is living with Alzheimer’s, deciding what needs correcting and what can safely be left alone becomes more important. A well-intended correction may clear something up, but it can also create frustration when memory changes make it difficult to retain the explanation.

That doesn’t mean facts no longer matter, but the purpose of correcting someone might need to change. Instead of automatically setting the record straight, consider a different question: What will this correction accomplish?

When Being Right Matters

Some misunderstandings have real consequences, especially when they affect someone’s health, safety, finances, or other crucial aspects of life. Those are definitely times when it’s important to step in to help someone with Alzheimer’s.

But many of the inaccuracies you’ll encounter while caring for someone with dementia carry no such consequence. For instance, your loved one might not remember the name of the person who visited them earlier in the day, or what they had for breakfast. Before automatically correcting something, ask yourself if the mistake creates a problem. If it doesn’t, there’s really no need to fix it.

What if allowing an inaccurate version of events to stand, however, makes you feel dishonest? Understand that there’s a difference between deceiving someone and choosing not to challenge a harmless detail. There’s no deception in preserving your loved one’s dignity.

Before You Correct, Ask Yourself

When you aren’t sure whether to say something, a few questions can help:

• Could the mistake put them at risk? If acting on incorrect information could cause harm or create a serious problem, step in.
• Will the correction help them do something they need to do? Accurate information that helps someone make a decision or complete a task has a purpose.
• Is this simply a detail that doesn’t matter? If correcting the year, name, or sequence of events won’t change anything important, consider letting it pass.
• Is correcting them likely to cause distress without resolving anything? Sometimes insisting on accuracy creates a problem where there wasn’t one before.

When the Truth Can Hurt

The decision becomes harder when someone asks a question with a painful answer. What if your loved one asks for their spouse, who died years ago? Your instinct might be to tell them again about the death, but this opens up a fresh wound of grief each time you re-share the information.

Before answering, consider what’s behind the question. Maybe asking for their spouse reflects loneliness or a need for reassurance. Rather than immediately delivering painful information, try inviting the person to talk about their spouse or respond to what they seem to be feeling.

What About Repeated Questions?

Hearing the same question repeatedly can test anyone’s patience, especially when you answered it only minutes ago. But while the question is repeated for you, it’s entirely new to the person asking it.

Saying “I already told you that” points out a failure they may have no ability to correct. Answering again may be easier for both of you. If the question keeps returning, consider what else might be driving it. Someone repeatedly asking about an appointment, for example, may be worried about missing it and need reassurance more than another explanation.

And sometimes you can simply move on. Not every conversational loop needs to be solved before you leave it.

Give Yourself Permission to Let Some Things Go

Learning not to correct every mistake isn’t easy. You may have spent a lifetime showing care by helping someone understand what’s happening. Alzheimer’s can require you to reconsider what “helping” looks like.

There will be times when you correct something and wish you hadn’t, or realize halfway through an explanation that the subject simply isn’t worth pursuing. Then you can change course.

The next time you feel the urge to correct your loved one with Alzheimer’s, consider whether the truth will help them understand something they genuinely need to know. If it will, say it clearly. If the correction will only establish that you remember something they don’t, letting it go may be the kinder choice. With dementia, a better conversation begins when being right stops being the goal.

We Understand the Nuances of Alzheimer’s

Alzheimer’s changes so much, and figuring out how to respond takes time. It’s also best managed with an expert by your side. At Serengeti Care, we offer specialized care for seniors with Alzheimer’s that incorporates a high level of skill wrapped in patience and compassion. Give us a call any time at 425-272-9272 to find out how we can make life better for someone you love (and for you) throughout the evolving challenges of dementia.